You may or may not know, I recently purchased an RV. God called me to sell everything I own and go on the road. I have traveled the US by car for 2 years. I started the process of transferring the whole of my belongings into the RV. Picture the image, “Herding Cats”. In the melee, as God would have it, I ran across some old journal entries. I was a junior in college, just starting to dabble in the gay life, but had never stopped praying for God to take away homosexuality. This entry was raw and honest. May it give you some hope today.

Over the last few days I have been talking to a young man that I met when he was 18. He was raised around church, adopted at birth and has struggled with SSA his entire life. He is now 29. He called the other day to confess that he’d been dating someone for the last 1.5 years. That is more than half the time I have been gone. The devil hinted that I had abandoned him to go on the road. God reminded me that I had planted so much seed, that to do any more for him was to throw good seed on seed that had already been planted. This young man was repentant. He knows the truth and loves God, but he lives the same life of back and forth, no forward motion and wasting life away that many of your kids do. I was loving and kind, but shared the truth of a much needed rebuke. When I read this journal entry I was reminded of the wishy washy nature of my life back then. Confused. Hurt. Broken. Perpetually horny. Hopeless, but desperately desiring to be free more than I wanted to be with Jesus. In love with a boy. It would be 6 more years, before bruised and broken I crawled back home.

Dear Journal, (November 2, 1992) “I went and talked to Toby tonight. He told me a lot of things I did not want to hear. Be he also helped me. I don’t know what keeps me from falling in love with him and spending the rest of my life with him. I really don’t. He is all that I have ever been looking for and I think he knows it. I really do. I am the only thing holding him back. Me and my beliefs. Beliefs that I have had all my life. Beliefs that I once went by and lived by. Beliefs that are now put in that eternal unseen box that so many people put God in. I want God to be a part of my life because, He wants to help me and give me eternal life. In return He just wants my love like any good friend does. But He isn’t just a friend; He gave us life. And that is why I can’t help wondering why I feel that my life is so inadequate. I know the power of The Almighty God and what it can do for someone. A nation. A World. I know God is the creator and yes we are in His image and yes we are in His will. But we are all free willed individuals, capable of making our own decisions. But surely should not one of those decisions be to yearn for all that is possible through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Where do I go from here God? What path wilt thou lead my feet on to be in thy will?”

“I don’t know what keeps me from falling in love with him and spending the rest of my life with him.” – I didn’t know back then, but I do now. The prayers of my father and the influence of the Holy Spirit to keep me guarded and safe.

“Beliefs that I have had all my life. Beliefs that I once went by and lived by. Beliefs that are now put in that eternal unseen box that so many people put God in.” – How much does that sound like your child? I think of that verse that says, bring up a child in the way they should go and when they are old they will not depart from it. The scripture and beliefs that had been instilled in my heart and mind, initially prevented me from committing to a gay relationship.

As you read the rest of the journal entry, you can see that I knew the truth. I had heard it, lived it and been shepherded by it, until homosexuality and other factors began to confuse and cloud my mind. Years later, even as I was in a committed relationship with a guy I dated for a year, the Holy Spirit reminded me daily that I was living in the land of the dead, not the free.

I share this with you all to give you hope. Your kids may not tell you about this internal struggle going on inisde, but God is consistent and will fight for his kids. Let this be a reminder to hope. Let this be a reminder to pray. Let this be a reminder that God loves your kids and Jesus died and rose again to set them free from the grip of death and sin.