So, your child has come out as gay or transgender.  What now?  Breathe!  All is not lost.  God is still in control.   Thousands have left LGBT lives with God’s help.  Matthew 7:13-14 “Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. ¹⁴ Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.”  As Christians we must stick to the narrow gate.  You can’t affirm sexual sin and stay true to scripture.  As Christian parents love your child well as you reinforce scriptural principles.  True love is not acceptance of sinful behavior along with the good.  Love preserves, is tough, honest and protective.  Real love is not valued by individuals focused on their own selfish desires.  Real love says “Stop!  You’re heading toward a cliff.”  Regardless of who twists scripture to affirm homosexuality and sexual sin, it is not God’s will for His creation.  God is not surprised by LGBT influence.  Sexual sin is as old as the bible itself.    

If you are 3 days or 3 years down this road, these waters are difficult to navigate.  My father grew up on a Midwestern farm.  Nothing in life prepared him to understand my struggles with homosexuality.  My dad drew strength and wisdom from God’s word.  He shared the knowledge of scripture and a love for Jesus with me.  His faith and prayers are what brought me back to God.  My father’s real love and honesty about my sin, though uncomfortable, were unwavering.  He loved me, but didn’t accept my sinful life.  He didn’t need to understand my struggle, to love me.  He knew God granted forgiveness for sin.

One guiding principle; remain a loving, honest voice to your child as long as they let you.  My boss used to say, “Communication is the key.”  Conversation might feel like traffic in Downtown Atlanta at 5 PM on a Friday.  Be patient.  You may not understand the struggle, but you know your child.  Take all the time you need.  Your child has had years to sort out the puzzle pieces of their life.  You just had a 1000-piece puzzle of the Forest dumped in your lap and a mental stopwatch yells “GO!”  When I talk to LGBT children, I encourage them to give their parents time to process.   

Before talking to your child, go to God in prayer.  This Is an Absolute Necessity.  Turn off TV and phone.  Get heavenly focused.  Pour out your heart to God.  You have every right to feel what you feel.  Ask God for the right words.  You may think you know what to say, but until you are in the batter’s box, you don’t know what is going to be thrown your way.  If God has not heard from you in a while, do not worry.  God hears your prayers.  Remember, He’s a parent, too.  And He has dealt with your mess.  God wants relationship with everyone.  God is Father to both of you.  Ask God to cover you, your child and to give you the right words.  Trust God.  If you don’t have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, then commit your life to Jesus.  Often when children come out as LGBT, parents reevaluate their own journey with God.   

Why pray?  You and your child both think you are right.  Both sides are passionate.  You need God at the table.  No matter how heated your child gets, remain calm.  You may be frustrated with them, but you love them.  Realize this, if your child is coming out, the planning phase is over.  They do not just “feel” gay, they believe they are gay.  They may even use the term, “born this way”.   Don’t freak out.  Keep an open mind in the spiritual sense, not the new-agey sense.  Be an active listener.  Hear and understand your child’s needs and hurts.  Listening and acceptance are not synonymous.  It means you love and value them.  Stay mentally flexible.  The situation is tense enough without giving the enemy ground.  If, at any point, you feel backed into a corner, goaded or uncomfortable, take a break.  Do not allow yourself to be manipulated emotionally. Ask questions if you need clarity.  Communication is a two-way street of listening and sharing.  God desires for both of you to be in relationship with Jesus.  Through Jesus, the Holy Spirit moves into your heart and actively guides and comforts.   

Parents!  Be rooted in God’s word, before you talk to your kids.  Before you tell your child homosexuality is wrong, do you know what the bible says?  Are you referencing bias or preconceived notions or scriptural truth?  The Bible is the standard by which Christians live.  We walk with spiritual authority by sharing God’s word.  2 Timothy 3:16-17 says, “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”  When we speak out of our emotions, we risk saying hurtful, damaging things.  The act of coming out is largely based on what a person feels.  It’s difficult to debate someone’s feelings and experiences.  It is better and wiser to apply scriptural standards to conversations about sin.

Your first priority isn’t fixing your child’s sexuality.  Does your child know the truth of the gospel concerning salvation?  Have they believed in Jesus with their heart and confessed Him as Lord and Savior with their mouth?  Jesus brings salvation to the lost.  If your child does not have a relationship with Jesus, gay or straight, they are headed for hell according to scripture.   

As far as Christianity, if you aren’t buying what you’re selling, why would your kids?  When you apply the message of Jesus like an antidote to homosexuality, you discount the relational aspect of Jesus Christ.  He desires relationship, not compliance.  Jesus died for us while we were still sinners.   That implies that Jesus loved me before I knew who Him.  How many times have you walked past a stranger on the street and felt nothing?   Not so for Jesus.  He teaches a different kind of love.  Is God simply an accessory in your life?  Does He fit into a Sunday time in your life? It may be time to dust off that bible.  

I have met parents in all stages.  Parents whose children have embraced a transgender identity, and cut them off.  Other parents have great relationships with their kids, even though they disagree.  Remember, never give up hope regardless of what you see playing out in their lives or on their social media.  Hey curious moms!  Stay away from their social media.  satan will use what little information you glean to weave a web of lies and despair in your heart.  

Ultimately, parents and family, you need support from trusted Christian sources. Your child has the support and backing of the LGBT machine and countless, unGodly opinions swirling around them.  You need the support of a knowledgeable pastor or a support group of like-minded people to get you through this.  

God’s desire for mankind is redemption from sin.  He has provided one way.  Jesus.  John 10:10 says, ^“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.  I (Jesus) came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”  God loves your child more than you.  He is their heavenly Father.  Trust Him with your child’s heart and life.  

Pray.  Read God’s word.  Communicate.  Trust.